"A Horcrux is an object in which a Dark wizard or witch has hidden a fragment of his or her soul for the purpose of attaining immortality."
From Harry Potter fandom.
And here will lie the horcruxes of Damodar of house Slytherin.

June 26, 2019, 8:35am


With this recording, I am trying to do the impossible, the non-existent. Therefore, I fail.


I can feel it, but I can not make you understand due to the inadequacy of language.


So what I simply can do is to keep on talking.


And if you really wanted to listen, you might understand.




The logic does not govern the universe. The universe governs the logic, and it is not merely accidental.


The birth of the logical form is not accidental. In fact, one can only begin by presupposing the existence of logical form to be a tautology. This presupposition gives no additional [pragmatic] insights to the proposition whatsoever.


All that can be known are truth values of the propositions of the natural sciences.


Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus essentially shows that the mind-body problem is senseless to chase. What is more important, to know, is the thought-world problem: what the world and the thought share in common, and where they differ.


One who understands Tractatus understands that it is senseless.


It is a ladder to climb; but once one climbs, they will know that it is not the answers but the questions which are non-sensical.


When I was 15, I went through an existential crisis of being unable to understand my identity. "Why am I?," I asked the question. Back then, I was sure that I knew what (or who) "I" was; but now, I have realized that I never knew what (or who) "I" was all along. My mind lacked philosophical clarity, and I was unable to form clear thoughts. I lacked principles. I couldn't get the answers because I missed the right tools. For example, the tools of logic, and the knowledge of philosophy. But now I understand that


That I am a prisoner, and without being so my existence is impossible. A prisoner to this world, the natural sciences and thereby to the logics.

June 8, 2019, 10:34am


Ladies and gentlemen,

I am very fortunate to get a chance to stand in front of you to talk. I normally do not do this; in fact, this is the first time I voluntarily decided to talk due the urgency of my recent discoveries of a few critical matters which are as important to us humans as earning for the grains of rice and wheat for our meal every evening at our shelters. All of these critical matters will, as later I will show you, unite to give you a broader understanding of life. Since I only have a limited time, I shall talk very briefly on these topics but you may meet me afterwards for thorough discussions.

  • First, evolution.
  • Second, the end of the world.
  • Third, the answer: philosphy.
  • Fourth, the death of the answer: awareness.
  • And at last: the meaning of life.

Now, I am not here to talk about the meaning of life. I do not claim to know that I have an answer to life. Neither do I claim that I have found my purpose of life. I am simply here to ask the questions, because, when God created the universe 13.8 billion hears ago, he left us all by ourselves to find the answers, if there are any.

But, in answer to find an answer, we must understand how answers work.

An answer is a component in philosophy. It can be subjective, or it can be objective. But what is an answer?

Research what an answer is.

Now, let's move on, to getting an answer of life, starting by defining life. How do we define life? And say I define a life. If I used a few words to describe it, would you use the same words to define your version of life? And is it going to mean the same? And would the parents of a starving child in Africa give the same answer, knowing that their child is going to die prematurely. And would these celebrities answer the same? What would Alan Watts answer?

Well, one thing we all share, is that we are humans living in the 21st century. We all came from the same mother who lived in Africa with a non-Homo father. Our father was just an ape.

About 12000 B.C., humans started the agricultural revolution. Before then, we were foragers, living our lives in the forests, searching for berries and animals to hunt, constantly travelling in order to find food, water, safety, and so on. Yet, even back then, we celebrated and we thought. There is no proof that the people back then were dumber than us. In a sense, their understanding of the forests was more intricate than our understanding in today's world. We think that we know atoms, but we forgot that we are slaves of evolution. And that we are just animals, and the slaves of agricultural revolution. We forgot history which says that our lives have been in misery ever since the beginning of this stupid revolution. Why do we eat grains everyday even though they are not good for our teeth at all? They do not even provide necessary nutrients to our bodies. It is because they are easy to produce, and we have gotten used to eating them for many millennias. From an evolutionary perspective, if it works, it works, no matter how bad or good it is.

Next, I am going to answer to all the conflicts.

Next, philosophy. Third, end of the world. Fourth, progress. Fifth, being a student. Sixth, death.

June 8, 2019

On parents

My parents are going to die. I love them; but, my love will not keep my mom's heart pumping blood forever.

My parents are my whole world. I want to be with them till their very last moment, learning about them as well as telling my life stories to them. Also, I am ready now. I am a man now.

I understand that I am in a foreign land attending a school. I also know that my parents understand.

When should I return back? Or should I invite them here? If I invite them here, there is nothing for them to do; so they will die of boredom, not age.

So, when should I return back? I do not want to return back because I am pursuing my education. I want to pursue the highest form of knowledge which a man can sought for: the knowledge of life. Day by day, my parents are growing older. As a result, there is lesser and lesser for me to know from them. Time is limited, my friend. And my goal might not be what I think it is.

June 7, 2019, 12:46am


The more I speak, the more I have become silent.


I have sat down, because I know that there is nothing to do, nothing to be. I know that there is nothing better.


Right this moment, for just this moment, I am not Damodar. I do not have to do anything. There is nothing to learn. I have no problems in my life. Just these 5 minutes, no one in this world knows me. I do not know me. For just this one moment.

June 6, 2019, 7:40am


If you can't make me understand, you have not understood it enough.

June 5, 2019, 8:19am

There is infinite space above me. And below me. And to the left of me. And to the right of me.

Well, there might not be infinite space but bigger than all that that will ever be explored.


Humans are puny. I am relatively tall but absolutely puny.

Note: I wrote this article when I was editing article from the past week.

June 5, 2019

A note to you current self.

Dear me,

You have become yourself. You have travelled four years into the past. You are a man now. Now, you will face all the good a man can get. Then, again, you'll face his sorrows too.

A note to my future self.

Dear me,

I will soon meet you. You are a man of ignorance. You are tired. And you do not want to do it. But guess what, it is all temporary. There will come a day when you will again as me. You still want to smoke that one last cigarette and there might be no one to stop you right now. But know that I, your past self, knew about it.

I have now met you.

A note to my future, future self

Dear me,

Congratulations! You see it know, as I predicted. Nihilism = (void) = (logic) = (math) = (science) = (truth) = (incomplete).

Comments on Nihilism

Nihilism is incomplete because it only works in an absolutely perfect world where men and women are rational machines.

But we are machines of biology. We are primates. We are what we are because we were born the way we are. We do not have to know the truth, there's no reason. We might not even have the capacity to know the truth. Thus, no nihilism required.

In nihilism, it would be boring to say that we came from nothing. It'd be like adding anasthesia to life.

Note: also see Wittgenstein

June 4, 2019, 6:58pm

Note: INCOMPLETE. This transcription must contain some of my secrets.


The biggest truth upto now,


Truth are not secrets.




And this is complete for me.


When they are retired,

Note: what?


Everything I know is wrong.


\<INAUDIBLE> more literally everything.


My stick with a thought,

June 3, 2019, 7:44pm


I am Nepal.

Note: I do not remember speaking this statement.


Only one of my eyes is blinking.

May 31, 2019, 1:25pm


When I'm full of words, I do not know. But when I am empty, I do not want to write.


In fact, when I'm empty, I do not want anything.


The secret of time management: I do not have to do what I can not do.


I do not know, what I do not. I have limited energy, and i am bound to make mistakes.

I do not have to do what I do not have to do.


I need to take rests when I need it.

May 31, 2019, 12:18pm

In preparation of a speech

Fellow citizens of planet earth,
Today, in this moment, while you are busy living your lives in your own world looking through your own eyes, I am trying to record something and give it to you because I was born this way.

Why? Because all our ancestors produced children without knowing that they succumbed to the product of evolution, and I was formed due to the same reason.

The greater purpose of life does not matter, and does not exist either.

However, who am I to decide the purpose of life? After all, I do not claim to know anything, or rather, I do not know anything. The more I know, the more I understand that the lesser I want to know. Because the more I know, the more I realize that what I knew all along had no base at all.

I am going to prove it to you.

Let us assume that you believe in a proposition, say X. How can you prove it to be absolutely true? The philosopher Rene Decartes meditated upon this to figure out the meaning of life. "I think, therefore, I am," he said,

May 31, 2019, 7:57am


There is no concept of importance in the universe.

If I want to feel important, I need to understand why I need to feel important.


There must be something more fundamental.


Why do I want to feel important?

May 30, 2019, 6:49pm

LifeBirthDeathBeginning of timeconsciousnesstime¨C11C

May 30, 2019, 6:21pm


I am constantly thinking about ways to improve my character. I then choose a few of these ways and pick a few out of practicability, difficulty and necessity. I do this because the code in my DNA is always looking to provide evolutionary advantage for the Sapiens.

So, every time when I think about improving my character, I need to understand that I was built to do this, and also that I am a prisoner of my code.


I am under my own head. And my body is small.

Note: See Punity on June 5th.


Let's talk about how the internet changed the world. Long ago, when there were no books or language, we realized the necessity of communication. After a few thousand years or a few million years, we learnt how to write after the language had been spoken. The first people to use language were the clever people. I'm a direct descendant of these few people because they had an evolutionary advantage. And since evolution is the only rule, we won.

And by "we", I mean each of my ancestors. Each of us is a thinking machine just like me. Which means that my brother is conscious, and so are my parents. They lived through all their lives, thinking like me, on various topic, including the desire marriage. They did not choose it, for they were never given the choice. Likewise, I will not be able to choose, for a choice can not exist.


Nothing can interfere me right now. I am a conscious being. My dad and mom are conscious beings like me. They met, they mated, and that is how they made me. Here I am, a conscious being just like my dad and his dad and his dad and all of our dads. Our first dad was the first living organism, who came from the inanimate. It is all just one consciousness evolving through time. I am just a mere fragment of this collective consciousness.


And now, let's think of the consciousness of lower animals. Are we same as snakes? Otherwise, how are we different. Well, both being living animals, we have a lot in common: breath, body, desire to mate, a life cycle between birth and death.


There is no depression. Why? Because it is a human construct. None of the emotions are real; so depression, can not be real.

May 29, 2019, 10:15pm

An important rule for nailing interviews: always be nice to the interviewer. Always, please?

May 29, 2019, 3:30pm


Being right or wrong does not matter. Nothing matters.

May 29, 2019, 2:53pm


To eat is to chew by hammering food using our teeth.

Our tongue, acting like a hand, moves the food for hammering to between our teeth.
It also transports the paste of hammered food and saliva, involuntarily in a sense, for the purpose of swallowing.


When somebody asks me (and by that somebody I mean myself), this is important:

There is an adjustable parameter in a conversation. It is the amount (net as well as individual) of aggression used by the participants involved in the conversation.

Why do we ever have to be so rude? Aren't they the sufferers just like us? All that they want is to live a quiet, happy life with their friends and family.


Okay, so, what are emotions?

Also see May 13.

How do we feel emotions?

Emotions are dumb and simple.

For example, when we in a conversation with another person, we are involved in a complex process which requires us to think and imagine; and our senses are used to retrieve signals, visual or otherwise. Emotions are related to the effect of these inputs to our state of mind (the picture created in our imagination due to our thoughts).

One such emotion can be anger. Or the other can be happiness. Simply put, emotions are the inducers of change in our states of minds.

Dislike comes when we think of a "small" inertia against the flow. It comes because the universe is in chaos. However, is the universe really in chaos? That is a question to ponder.

Due to the same inertia, we feel a friction in conversations which are not fully going our ways. Then a sequence of chemical rushes begin, our mind becomes unstable, and we feel it.

Then these rushes change us. They make us to act differently. And we do, because what can prisoners of existence do? In this sense, the emotions are a part of us and also form our identity.

Therefore, existence is just like what we feel.


What we feel, is always "wrong," because we are, in truth, incapable of feeling. Our feelings are just the effects on our brain due to the neurological signals produced by the state of our minds.

Similarly, whether we like it or not, false will the answer be. Because we were born and made that way.

What we can imagine is not everything.

What we can think, is also not everything.

But why do we need to know or have everything? Can we even know everything?

There are two possibilities: spacetime is real or fake. If it is fake, our "existence" is also fake. Therefore, there is no need to know anything fake. Otherwise, spacetime is real. If it is real, so are we. Since all which exists is the physical, our minds must be non-existent already. And with a limit on all physicals, our minds are bounded on what we can store, as well as what we can understand.

  • What if we are bounded, but our ability to grasp is not? It is impossible because how will we ever know what we will never know? Such a condition can not occur..

Well, let's see. I posted a question on StackExchange and philosophers are arguing all over.

There is no one. There is no one.

I am no one. I do nothing.


Why am I playing guitar? I have no motivation to play guitar. I love playing it but I do not have a long term goal. This is sad; and why I can not perform. Do you know what I should be doing? I should be thinking about.

The feeling which I get from playing music: what if, I need to watch everything in the same manner. It is interesting at some times, but mostly it's just chores.


My goal is to spread good to everyone.


Doing research, is how I should be spending my life.

May 26, 2019, 2:53pm

I am being influenced a lot by Wittgenstein's Tractatus nowadays.

Facts can be either derivatives or atomics.

A picture is a collection of facts.

A thought is a moving picture.

When I talk, I am explaining a picture but my picture will always differ from theirs.

When I say "This is a green apple",
comment on "say": using words, gestures, expressions, etc in order to give cues.
comment on "say": It can be either conscious or an unconscious act.

How communication works:

  1. I want to demonstrate a thought in my world.
  2. I paint a picture in my head.
  3. I produce cues in order to describe the picture.
  4. The receiver will receive these cues.
  5. And they draw a picture in their head.
  6. The picture will be self-interpreted in their world.

What if there is no cues to express a picture?

The speaker has not formed the picture in their mind well enough. Therefore, they do not understand the topic.

  • What are senses?

While explaining to others, the thought will help the speaker understand the pictures and therefore the thought itself better.

Senses are not pictures because they are outside pictures.

A being consists of three layers: physical, pictures, and the senses. The physical produces the senses.

How can thoughts control the senses?

Using the mind.

Not only the senses, but a thought can even control the physical using the mind.

What if the receiver does not know how to interpret? (What about misinterpretation?)

Imagine a baby.

How does a baby learn?


Now, consider a thought which arises so as to see the senses. If the mind is used to send, it is liberated from the pictorial dimension and hence the mind goes blank. This is the so called meditation.

Permanent thoughts vs temporary thoughts?

May 26, 2019, 10:57am

On Stealing

Why do people steal? Why did God teach us to steal? (by God I mean the process of evolution.)

Stealing is an attribute of being.

May 22, 2019, 9:53am

The real truth lies somewhere between seeing and believing.

May 22, 2019, 9:00am

Proving something using circular logic

How to prove something

  • Build a circular logic.
  • Prove that one step is true.
  • The whole logic is now justified.

Localization of Knowledge

Some knowledge is localised.

Localization happens using fields.

Other knowledge is universal

To exist is a local phenomena. And to exist requires an observer for they are complimentary.

If there is no observer, existence is therefore none.

Thus, the universe can not die.

The universe is huge if not infinite.

Space is ether but does not transmit. How can it know to expand uniformly [during the inflationary period]? Dark energy?

Is physics knowledge? Iff (or if) physicalism.

Why are the laws of physics? Who made the laws? Use anthropic principle to reverse-engineer into first logic. What about uncertainty though? What is uncertainty?

May 20, 2019, 10:35pm

A new thought has struck my mind. What if knowledge is a form of matter? Not the physical but a different kind. But what does it mean? And what does matter even mean? How do we define it? And if knowledge is not matter, what is it?

May 18, 2019, 11:41am

It doesn't matter where I am going to. It is does not matter whether the universe is endless. However, since I am a human, I must know how to predict my future. I must be able to see what is going to come into my life to live a satisfactory life. One of them is to find a cure for loneliness if it touches me in the future. Right now, I have my family and friends supporting me, but, who knows, I might feel lonely in the future. So I need to plan ahead and study loneliness.

May 17, 2019, 12:17pm

Every moment of what I do changes who I am. If I think philosophy too much, I will become a philosopher. Otherwise, I will not be. If I teach myself how to dance, I will learn how to dance and one will see me dancing (despite the fact that I do not know how to dance at all).

May 17, 2019, 9:00am

When we grow up, we lose.

We gain information and therefore we are succumbed.

:do not seek.
:not my nature.

:yes, do control
:yes, do follow your heart.

Time dies as we age. Our time dies.

me give up my life andclose my eyesLearn something which makesbeing a musician vitalmusicianChoosing whether to be a musician

Why meditate? Because it is fun. You do not have to meditate if it is no longer fun.

May 16, 2019, 3:30pm


What is knowledge? Knowledge is a.

Quantity. Which is a measure of conflicts, which is an extension of physical and the metaphysical.

So, knowledge is.

May 15, 2019, 8:11pm

There is only one life we live; so, we should be the person we want to be rather than the person which others want.

May 15, 2019, 12:54pm


So well, I am finally done with my exams. Summer is here.

May 14, 2019, 6:12pm


May 14, 2019 of the Gregorian Calendar. Located at planet earth, rotating in its own axis, as well as revolving around the sun which is by itself revolving around the center of our milky way. Which is by itself revolving around the center of our local cluster. Maybe space is just a Euclidean plane and we are an arbritrarily defined center!


Are we just points in this space with given veolocities and configuration? Was math invented or discovered?


I have lost a lot of myself while growing up. A part of me is already dead; and as I age, I will gain new parts while losing who I am. It is the continuous process, which happens, for the better as well as for the worse.


And it is time to change myself now. I finally figured out what I need to do during this summer. It is not a time to let go of my emotions. It is not a time to let go of my goal. It is rather a time to develop curiosity. It's my most dearest loss over the years.


To meditate is to understand what I am. All the things which have shaped me as well as are shaping me right now.


To sit down to meditate is true escape.


In space, it does not mean anything to be moving as far as we know. So I can be the centre of the universe at rest while everyone and everything else is moving. Is space infinite? Is space infinite? Is space infinite?


As being a mere part of the process, there is one thing which strikes me. We are all limited, and one of our limit is our field of vision. Maybe we can be see better with glasses, binoculars, telescopes, or through precise scientific instruments. But there will always a limit of what we can see. The biggest limit right now are the horizons of our observable universe. But what if the new galaxies formed by the extension of the horizon of our observable universe was new matter? (However, it is likely to have a contradiction with their age.)


Why do we exist? Or maybe a better question to ask ourselves, is why the universe exists. The universe exists. For without the universe, we can not be.

May 13, 2019 7:34pm

I will have to think about what I will be thinking ten years later when I am reminiscing these days.

May 13, 2019 7:17pm


Now, there is a different thing that I would like to talk about. It is a parameter set in us. It is how much we own the world. In one hand, we can feel like we own things, relationships, and knowledge. While in the other hand, we can act like a brainwashed-by evolution--and one who does not think about owning anything.


Side note: evolution could have taken us through the other possibility as well.


There must a best point for this parameter, unless proven otherwise. So either I lack some knowledge about this parameter, or there must be a best point.


And by the way, I should return to Nepal. My justification goes like this:


Pause. I just realized the kind of brainwashed I am. I think knowledge is my virtue.


Right now, I am recording with a cigarette in my hand. I am talking while the AC fan is running and making its noise as usual. The smoke from the cigarette is passing in front of my nose, and the universe is doing what it always does. Even this processing recording is part of the universe's role. Everything, including the way my hand is right in front of me and the reason why I can see, is physics. Nothing but the laws. And where are the laws there? Isn't that interesting? Doesn't that require a supreme creator? All of us: both theists and non-theists, believe in a form of a supreme: whether it be a physical person, or maybe just his acts, or a god embedded in the universe itself.


Or maybe into knowledge, like I belive.


But you know what, all of this is just a process. Just a process, and nothing else. I am thoughtless right now, and this is my meditation. Which suggests that I have become a philosopher.

May 13, 2019 7:03pm


So what are these emotions? What are emotions? So what are emotions? What are emotions? What are emotions?

Also see May 29, 2:53pm


I have the power to succeed. I have the power to motivate people. Motivating people is probably one of the greatest Seva that I can do. But I can only choose either choose to pursue knowledge and keep my emotions on what I want to learn in check, or I can let go of everything. And think that if I do something great, I will inspire other people. And henceforth, I will be doing Seva. So I need to think about this during the summer.


So here are the things that I think I have not done:

  • To increase sanitation
  • To quit smoking
  • To gain experience with internships
  • Relationship
  • Communication with family (although it is improving)


I might not be doing good. I must be careful.


My body is a mountain.

May 11, 2019 12:45pm CDT

In order to plan for my future, I listed the topics I like. For example, cosmology, philosophy, psychology, history, and so on. And I drew a chart lines to represent correlations between these fields. And now, what I need to do, is to draw a diagram which can represent the percentage of overlap between these fields. From there, I can choose the field with maximum number of intersections with what I like. And that is what I need to do in the fu[ture] career because that is what I love the most.

May 11, 2019 11:09am CDT

The present game

1) (unrecorded)

2) (unrecorded)

3) My mouth is dehydrated

4) In front of me, there are atoms. Atoms are interacting, moving. That is why we see the colors, there is heat, and there is sound.

5) I'm feeling vibrations in my right hand.

6) Birds are seeing.

7) And the wilderness, the phenomena of growth of grass is unstoppable by civilization no matter how developed it is.

8) I am completely innocent because I am a process.

9) The green of the trees have brought a feeling in me.

10) The air smells.

May 11, 2019 9:06am CDT


One of the key things in life is change. At some time in my past, I used to think About a year ago, I used to think that after I changed, I understood everything. But I have gone through so many phases of these changes, and I have realized that I am going to continue changing for a long time.

And I will be learning new things and new things and none of them not one single of them is right.

Therefore, to plan for your future, remember that you are going to change and anticipate that change. And think about how you're going to change. And if you prepare for it, maybe the change will come earlier. And in that sense, you'll reach your goal sooner.

May 11, 2019 8:43am CDT


I tell everyone that I'm so busy. But one day I will realize that communication is very important. And that when they message me, I should reply them right away.


And right after this meditation session, I should reply to (my employer).


I need to do a lot of planning and looking into my future. Looking through all the possibilities, and choose the one that I want, and move towards it.


Let me get obsessed with future.


Everything negative has a priority and so does every positive. It is in their nature. And while there are both things to do, while judging between positive and negative, do not forget that priorities exist.


My stomach is empty.


Let thoughts come. It is part of the process. I accept it.

And I want to give them what they want. I don't hate them; I love them.

May 10, 2019, 8:00pm CDT


Om chant.


There are all kinds of people: people who have more brains than me and people who have less brains than me. In a sense, I am an average kind of human. Every aspect of what I do including this, is already somewhere.


And everything that I think I know, somebody else already did think about it.


Maybe I should start a blog writing all of my thoughts. Just the recordings and transcripts on my website.


Maybe my ideologies could be wrong. For example, right now, I am slacking off saying that I should completely enjoy while eating. And that drives my focus off the thing that I want to do. And therefore, I am slacking off.


Meditation is just a thing taught to me by others. It is not the salvation. I shouldn't take it too seriously. I am only a mere human being.

I am a man in my mind. I am an animal. I am living in the earth.

I am made up of atoms, I am made of proteins. The same proteins which we can find in other animals. Which we can find in bacteria. Which we can find in every living things including trees. I eat trees to make myself.

The trees exist because of equilibrium. It is just the way the universe is made to be. It is just the way the laws of physics do.


I was born smart. I am lucky. The rules of cosmos mainly randomness favor me. Well, anyone can use the anthropic principle for defense. But it doesn't actually give us anything. I do not understand it rather.


What comes that goes. I realized this principle after which it became a part of me. In a similar manner, I will understand new things and I will change. So now, I want to look into what attributes I will loose and what attributes I will strengthen.

First, family. Ever since I went to Nepal, family means a lot to me. They are the reasons why I existed. And why I am thinking about them. In a sense, family is an essential element to make consciousness alive. And I have to go back as a tribute. For them. Right now, I am focusing on my role as a human being. And I am a role, and that is what I accept. I perform my duties and that is all I do. I am not the body and I am not even the mind.

There is no I in this world. We are all just atoms. And nothing else. Just atoms. Just the law. There is nothing more than the law. There is no I. I was never here. And will never be. Consciousness can not live.